When we hold onto something, – perhaps a painful memory or experience, hurt towards someone else or even pain, guilt or shame we direct inwardly at ourselves, – what is actually happening is: WE are the ones who endlessly carry the burden of what has happened.

Carrying that burden not only stores negatively-charged emotions in the body, but continuing to carry these charged memories, energy and feelings means we repeatedly relive those experiences trapping us in a perpetual cycle of pain.

‘Negative’ emotions are ones which lower our vibration or are unpleasant to experience. Once they become repressed stored and carried in the body (whatever we ‘hold on to’), we become susceptible to physical and mental health repercussions like anxiety, depression, illness and disease.

Forgiveness on the other hand is liberating! Forgiving ourselves and others sets us free from the power we have allowed these experiences or people to have over us. 

We regain our power and our energy (negative emotions are like a leaking tap for your energy) and we are free to be more peaceful, content and positive which has an uplifting effect on every area of our lives.

Forgiveness can not only set us free and improve our health, but (even if it is not the goal) it can also improve our relationships and energetically free our entanglements with others, resetting the connection to a healthier one for all. 

The art of forgiveness is a multifaceted practice. It is simple and it is deep. It is both submitting and empowering. It is always significant, and can be relatively quick – if done in the right way.

Most of us reading this would be able to immediately bring to mind one or two, (maybe many more!) experiences, altercations, or people, who we find unforgivable.

What I want you to know today is that even though it may actually BE unforgiveable, the practice of letting go, the art of forgiveness, WILL set you free… Every time.

Growing up I was taught (through examples) never to apologise. Apologising was not just a sign of weakness, it made you wrong. Conversely, if you never apologised, and acted as if you weren’t guilty (let alone how it may have made you feel inside), then people would generally not make too big of a deal about what has happened (maybe just to keep the peace).

On the flipside, while being seen as ruthless (even cold) on the outside, or ‘powerful’ as it may have seemed, inside I was a never-ending churning soup of guilt, anger, fear and rejection. And this is just how I remember primary school.

Thankfully over time, and with much inner-healing work, I learned the value of authenticity, vulnerability and truth. (Nowadays I’m probably too forthcoming but that’s a different journey).

Today, as an emotionally-developed and (to some extent) healed adult, I now see how not apologising, feeling guilty and being full of self-critical and self-rejecting emotions as a result of not being able to let things go, was a far worse outcome than making reparations or healing, apologising and mending with the other person would have ever been.

Even if that meant apologising for something I didn’t’ mean to do.

Even if that meant apologising for something I was justified in doing but still hurt someone.

Even if that meant letting go of something which no-one was ever justified in doing to me.

Even if that meant letting go of a friendship or relationship which I really wanted but couldn’t be my best, or receive what I believed I deserved. 

Because none of the holding on, inner turmoil or trapped pain and trauma will ever be worth being right, being justified or giving up my chance to move on.

Before we continue, it’s important to clarify that apologising and forgiveness does not mean;

• Condoning what we or someone else has done
• Letting someone perpetuate behaviour that is unacceptable
• Hiding the truth of what has happened or remaining silent about it
• Making everything our ‘fault’ or self-blame
• Carrying the burden of others
• ‘Getting along’ with everyone, all of the time.
• Confronting or even speaking to the other party if not appropriate.

What does forgiveness have to do with apologising? I hear you ask..

It is true when they say that; “Hurt people hurt people, but healed people heal people”.

When we forgive others, we unburden ourselves. When we are unburdened, we often find that we want to unburden the other person too and (sometimes) it feels like the right thing to apologise to them for our part, or to simply send them compassion for the pain they are inevitably experiencing.

The strength in this is knowing that we have attempted to set the other free. (Again, only if appropriate. There are many people who will never know I’ve done this work and moved on with my life. The only person who really needs to be aware of it, is me/you.)

There are times when it is appropriate to speak with the person, or with a professional. What we’re talking about today is the healing work which occurs within, and can be released through the self-healing practice of forgiveness.

If you decide you’re ready to free yourself with the art of forgiveness, following is a short practice to begin with.

[NOTE: It is important not to reactivate the pain of the past or any strongly charged memories. This self-paced inner-healing work can go quite deep, especially if you have any trauma, abuse or neglect in your accumulated experience. If so, it may be helpful and advisable to have a professional, coach or therapist on hand and accessible to you when going through these exercises. Please do not hesitate to reach out to someone for support and assistance before beginning, if you feel you could need it].

A simplified practice to start your journey of letting go (and an integral part of ‘shadow work’) is:

                  1. In a new journal, begin by writing down all the people and/or experiences you harbour negative feelings about. You’ll know the ones because you remember them today. There’s no need to go digging about for old forgotten ones (unless you want to and feel it is time), you can just begin with anything which nags on your mind most or some of the time. Anyone you think of as a ‘negative’ person in your life or someone you are still angry or hurt by.

                  2. For each person or experience, write down all the related emotions you feel, felt or are still feeling. Allow the emotions to come up but also pass through you. Do not attempt to stop them (unless it begins to feel unsafe, in which case engage with your professional immediately), simply let yourself release the emotions by acknowledging them and allowing them to pass. Know that they will pass. Remember that your feelings are always valid. There is no such thing as a wrong emotion. This exercise could take anywhere from a few moments to several sessions of over a period of time.

                  3. Make a firm decision to let go and release all of the emotions from this experience, for your own personal benefit, freedom and inner-peace. It can be helpful here to have an emotional-release practice handy like, punching a pillow, allowing some tears or going for a fast run.

                  4. Say to yourself, “I’m sorry, I forgive you. I’m sorry, I forgive you.” Until you feel you’ve released the charge. Send yourself love, appreciation and acceptance for going through this exercise. And if appropriate, send love and compassion to the other party/parties.  

To releasing the past, your most peaceful present, and your boundless future.

Much love and healing, Sophie Dawn. xx

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